I love that the phrase “pet peeves” exists.
It’s affirming to know that because that phrase exists, we are all allowed to have things that we acknowledge we just don’t like, and if we’re skilled or persuasive, we can talk about our pet peeves without necessarily alienating people by making them think we’re whiny, bitter people. We can just use the phrase “pet peeves” and then have permission to proceed on a tirade.
Personally, I don’t know if I’m among the skilled and persuasive complainers, but because I’m a blog writer I’m empowered with the authority to present you with lists. The internet loves lists, and the internet loves to vent frustrations, and you, dear reader, are a part of the internet, right?
So I’m going to do just that: present you with a list of my pet peeves, with hopes that maybe you will reply with some of your own pet peeves. I’m happy to argue or commiserate. And really, don’t take me too seriously. I write these in jest, to get them off my chest.
A LIST OF PET PEEVES
- People in front of you on the escalator who just stop in front of you and put fear in your heart that there’s about to be a big domino effect of people falling and being trampled.
- People who stop walking in the middle of the street to look at their phones.
- Kids talking too much (or too loud) on trains, planes, and buses.
- The phrase “_____ is my kryptonite.” It’s so often used incorrectly to mean something you love but shouldn’t. Kryptonite is not a guilty pleasure for Superman. He avoids it at all costs and is, in fact, never tempted to put it in his mouth, unlike you with your mini-cupcakes that are your kryptonite.
- Mini-dogs who fit in a purse.
- Evil cats. Not all cats, just the evil ones who sneak into your guest bedroom the second they see your door open and let loose their nasty allergenic cat hairs onto your suitcase and bed so that you wake up itching and put on itchy clothes the next day. Which is most cats.
- Camouflage ball caps. I can’t see a guy wearing one without filling with disgust.
- Parents who overshare on Facebook. See stfuparentsblog.com for great examples. I don’t want to see your alien-looking fetuses in the weird yellow ultrasound light, and I definitely don’t want to read statuses about your baby’s explosive diarrhea.
- Bad poetry.
- Uptalking. I can’t take you seriously when you’re talking like a teenage girl from Southern California in the 1980s.
- The 1980s.
- Southern California.
- Teenage girls.
- The 1950s.
- Sanctimonious flag-wavers.
- The whole conversation about the “War on Christmas.” I’m tired of hearing about it, from both sides.
- The whole conversation about Valentine’s Day. It’s so predictable when Valentine’s Day comes and people either talk about how they have awesome plans, or talk about how they hate it. It’s been done to death, folks. The Valentine’s Day conversation is the “It’s not the heat, it’s the humidity” of semi-holiday conversation pieces. Even the idea that it’s a holiday invented to sell greeting cards and chocolates — I agree with that sentiment, but it’s still so dull and predictable to talk about.
- Vocal fry.
- The phrase “thumb drive” for flash drive.
- People who when you say something creative or different say you have “too much time on your hands.”
- The use of “literally” when you don’t mean “literally” literally. See also: Uptalking. See also: Teenage girls.
- People who turn around and give you a dirty look because you’re eating popcorn in a movie theater. What, you didn’t get the memo? People eat popcorn in theaters. I pay for overpriced movie popcorn partly for moral reasons, because I love movie theaters and want them to stay open, and most of the money you spend on a ticket doesn’t go to the theater. You can’t say all these things to the people who turn around and give you dirty looks, though, because then you would be a person who talks during a movie.
- Fantasy football talk.
- Comment section grammarians.
- Disciples of Steve Jobs. It’s amazing how clever marketing and white boxes can brainwash people and give them a cult-like fervor. Watch the movie Macheads if you really want to rage.
- Tourists who stop me to ask for directions when I’m listening to a podcast and clearly, from my steadfast gait, on my way somewhere on a time crunch. If I look like I’m not in a hurry to get anywhere, and I’m not in the zone with my ear buds in, then I don’t mind. But when I’m on a mission and you come right at me and hand me a piece of paper, point at an address, and tell me to tell them how to get there, I’m not going to be thrilled to help you, though I will go ahead and try. People don’t realize how annoying it can be to be called upon to be their personal tour guide. I didn’t realize until it happened to me. (This topic discussed in The Midnight Diner Christmas vlog.)
- Blog posts that link to damn near everything. (Guilty)
- People who write lists of pet peeves as though that’s something someone else would want to read. Oh, wait …! Shucks, too late.
I think that’s enough for now.