One Must Change or Die

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Studies have shown smell is the most evocative sense for remembering, just like it’s the most evocative sense for sex. I knew this before they proved it, though, and maybe so did you if you think about it. The smell of a place, of a person, of a time: it doesn’t really “take you back” or “throw you” into anything, which would be the trite things to say. It doesn’t. What it does, in my experience, is it suddenly, sneakily, altogether implicates you – it accuses, interpellates, decries you with the realization that you were a previous version of yourself once. It’s a sense so sharp and bare it grazes guilt, teases embarrassment. Oh.

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Like A Boss

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It took me a minute to find him because of all the loud music and the angry hostility with which both men and women glared at me as I pushed through the dance floor to reach the table.

“Casper here is a flight instructor,” Dom introduced me, standing up as I walked over. He looked awkward getting up from the stool, his belly hanging over his dark pants, protruding against the buttons of his suit. It looked like there was sweat gathering at the spindly junctures of his mustache and goatee from the effort. I shook his hand concernedly.

“Ah, another protege?” asked the man sitting with him. “Looking to consistently pull more beautiful women? A new master for our method?” Continue reading

I Chat-Sex With Andrea Rosemore

So last night I got a Gmail chat request from a sexy lady by the name of Andrea Rosemore.

I didn’t think I’d ever heard of a sexy lady named Andrea Rosemore, but you never know who you’ve met at some point and the Rosemores sounded like an upstanding family name so I accepted. Andrea’s thumbnail profile pic looked like this:

Andrea

so instantly all of my fears were assuaged.

At first it sounded like Andrea was an automated spam-bot that sent prepared responses and links to a scam webcam-chat site, but we ended up having a pretty meaningful (and steamy) conversation, which I copy and pasted below: Continue reading

How to Win at Online Mating

snapchat“Did you hear about Cheryl, Charles?”

“I did hear about Cheryl, Bill. The poor girl.”

“We should do something for her.”

“What did you have in mind?”

“I think the best thing for a trampled heart is to get right back on that horse, mixed metaphors be damned.”

“I agree, Bill. Life is too short to sit around and mope. But you and I certainly make no fitting mates for a lady like Cheryl, ha ha.”

“Banish the thought, Charles, banish the thought – and idiomatic malapropism be damned.”

“You have something else in mind.”

“I do, Charles. Online dating. There’s no quicker way to order up a relationship, as easy as a new DVD on Amazon. It’s as easy as apple pie, and reputable, these websites: they guarantee love!”

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You’re Doing It Right

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There are discomfiting questions about ourselves like why women’s bodies respond to even forced sexual contact with physical arousal or why all men’s bodies show some level of physical arousal towards adolescents. These are definitely not polite dinner party conversation but they are scientifically demonstrated reality, and couldn’t being brave and logical enough to address these questions help us make sense of ourselves and each other and how to evolve as a human society?

Jesse Bering thinks so, and in his book Perv: The Sexual Deviant in All of Us, his well-researched answers (read it and find out) have to do with our evolutionary past, and how our belief of right and wrong behavior can be in conflict with our biological human nature. Continue reading